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Is this a really sad way for a character to die?

Author : John

Submitted : 2017-07-31 00:05:58    Popularity:     

Tags: sad  character  die  

I'm writing a short story about a person that deals with a mental illness which progressively gets worse as the story goes on (haven't thought of which mental illness yet) and it eventually drives him to the brink of insanity, beginning to isolate

Answers:

Well, it fails to stir the slightest tinge of emotion in me for several reasons. Firstly, because I don't know anything about the character - I haven't invested anything in him, so what happens to him doesn't mean anything to me because he doesn't mean anything to me. Secondly, you wish to write about a character who is suffering from a mental illness, but you haven't bothered to do any research about the different types of mental illness and what the specific effects of each might be on a person afflicted with that condition. While there are several different mental disorders that might cause a person to seek solitude and to shy away from others, for a person who seemingly doesn't have all that much experience with being in the wilderness to decide to march off into the mountains doesn't make a lot of sense, mental disorders aside. And it's not particularly believable either. Lastly, while the purpose of all of this is to paint the portrait of a person's suffering, your main goal seems to be that you wish to elicit sympathy from anyone who might read it. If you wish to accomplish that goal, then you will have to create a character that people can relate to, care about and root for. I don't believe that you've done any of that. If someone who loved were to die, would it make any difference whether they were hit by a train, eaten by a bear, fallen off a cliff or died of a poisonous snakebite? Remember that people who read widely get irked when someone who knows nothing about what he or she is writing about attempt to incorporate that element into a story, or even worse to base the entire premise for a story on such a flimsy understanding. You don't know anything about mental illness or wilderness survival. If you did, I can guarantee your finished product would read far better than it will if you write it with the limited amount of information that you currently possess.

It does seem like you're on the right track! But no offense, it seems kind of overkill. Maybe take out the part about him dying holding her picture, (I don't really think most people carry around pictures in the middle of the woods) but just have her be his last thought, or maybe his last words should be her name? It does seem good so far though, keep up the good work.



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